The Castaway

Infinite ocean. No life in sight. Blue everywhere. Eyes are green, curious and desperate. "Oh god! help me" John said to his heart. Gathered the courage and made a boat from the woods.One fine sunny day when wind was appropriate, he started sailing. He had enough of coconuts to keep him alive for a month. But he was not counting the days, rather he was counting the coconuts. He had to reach a land before his stock gets over. He had no idea where he was heading. All directions were same for him. He only has faith in his heart. Several days and nights of rowing and one evening he saw trees at a distant island. "Oh god! let this island have human beings" said he. The sight gave him energy. Energy to row twice as fast as he had done. By the night, he was there. He gave a shout to get the attention. Attention of birds? Definately not. To his disappointment he got none. He travelled hundreds of miles on water just to find another barren island. Sad.

Now let's analyse this story.
John moved from one island to another similar one. Was he moving or was it the world moving - he being at the same position, same situation?Did he waste one month of time and energy?
Well the answers are not easy one. But one thing is sure that this story corelates our daily life. We move but we don't know where we are heading. We give our best to chose the right direction, but we are never sure unless we reach there. And we do not know if this relative motion is our's or the world's.We try to move to greener pastures. sometimes we find it, sometimes do not. Is this something called the D word - Destiny!

Dreams...

Few days back i had a dream while deep in sleep. I dreamt of the moments which I could not get in real life. It was ecstatic time while i was dreaming. Don't know how long it lasted. But I felt good after. As if god gave me some moments from his bag.

Thanks to almighty who gave us something called dream where we can have the moments which were never ours. We can live those moments which we couldn't gather in real life. We could sense the happiness that was only imaginative. Yes, this is the beauty of dream. I would rather refrain to call this halucination.

Some days later while enjoying songs in my iPod, I was browsing the songs as well. I came across a song from movie 'Guru'.

Couple of lines say everything. Here it is....

jaage hain der tak, hume kuch der sone do, thodi si raat aur hai, subah to hone do....

aadhe adhure khwab jo pure naa ho sake, wo khwaab need me pure to hone do...

Am back !!!

So I am back after a long time. All these days I was trapped in a very dense project which was haunting me like anything. Working day and night monday till sunday for around 4 months, I was tired. I decided if this labour was to spend somewhere else then i would make more money and better name. this feeling motivated me to surf around monster, naukri and timesjob. A month later I found one and another month later I had to say goodbye to hyderabad.
It was 6th of Sept- a sunday morning when i sat on the cab to airport. The 40 minutes distance was full of scenes that floated in my memory. Some of them were these -

***Roaming at Central with friends
***Game of pool and snooker at New Food Court
***Char loogon ka char baze ka chai aur chiwda (the chaa... effect)
***Philosophical talks till 3 'o'clock with Ashu
***bottles down with Rohit, Ashu and Rajkamal
***Shakespeare water wala ke farratedaar english
***Rainbow ki chai
***Lunch time with Kashmiri flavour
***trips to smoking zone with navanish
***BB pe post and reply
***Salsa ke classes
***Lead Infy ka daur
***Tennis and Rafa outfit

The list will go on and on. It was hurting to say goodbye, but change is the order of life. One has to respect this constantly. So I had to move on. To a new place. To start a new journey. And i will call this new part of my life as "Mumbai local".

Is it predefined ?

Some days back i had a very profound discussion with a dear friend. Profound because of the depth in the talk and its profound effect. It all started with a question put forward by my friend. Are all the actions and things that happen in this world pre-determined? If its so, then there must not be anything called free will.
Well the question sent quakes in me. Just because I have faith in god and believe that whatever is happening here is all directed by him and that too its already determined. We are only following the track already laid down by someone all powerful. We only see that we are master of our desires and we do what we want. This we call as free will. We miss the point that who is the master of our desires. Are we really free or are our desires driven by something else, the surroundings and the environmantal factors what we call.
Ok, lets agree for a time being that we are driven by some super power, then why still do i need to have my will. I should give up all things and wait for the future to arrive because anyway it will happen what has been destined!!! No, this is totally wrong and crazy. Eventhough every thing is destined still we do not know what is. We have to strech in all directions because we dont know which way we would find what we want. May be it is pre determined that I have to try 7 times and then 8th time i will achieve. This does not mean that I will stop after the first trial and say that if its in my fate i will get that.

My India

Going to a developed country has its own charm, comfort and money associated. But the charm and attachment to it vanishes only in couple of days after landing there. The nostalgic feeling creeps into. When i am in india, the ugly things i see in a magnified way and when i am out of it the beauty gets magnified. why does this happen? well, probably because we all love to see the rain from window but when we are out drained by the rain, we want to be home as soon as possible.

There is no doubt that first world countries are places of courtsey. words like "thank you", "sorry", "no worries mate", "hi, how are you" use to be on everyones tongue all the time. Its good to hear these courtious notes. But then I start missing the "sab chalta hai" informality. I miss my well wishers, I miss the smell of soil, I miss the crowd, I miss the honking on the road, I miss all the happenings that I used to curse. This is nostalgia.

It was on 26th January that this home sickness grew further up. While India was celebrating Republic day, the same day happens to be Australia Day. Hence, it was a holiday and i was enjoying the movies on TV. I changed the channel and what appeared was a news channel showing the Australia Day celebration. On the occasion of this day, many people were awarded Australian citizenship. Among the names of those who received citizenship, i heard a name which sounded like an Indian. Though he may not be an Indian, or may have reasons to accept the citizenship, but I felt hurt. How can someone disown his motherland, if he has done so.

The nostalgia grew further and it vanished only after getting the mail that i am going to return back after a month. My India! now I realize that i am in love. Yes, i love my India.

Hiding in the dark

When things are not going good
and situation is not as it should
I try to hide in the dark
waiting for the right time to bark

These are the times when I am lonely
giving me the oppertunity to see the world diferently
exploring the aspects which are not visible
but possessing the potential to become incredible

Hiding makes me a vivid spectator
and I try to find out each and every corner
Chatting birds, roaring ocean, candid sunrise
teach me many new lessons which are wise

Dark is not always bad
and pain is not always sad
because these are the times that tests my will
and proves to be a desired anvil

War within ...

you dont get everything you wish in life but the happiest is the one who is satisfied with what he gets....
oh god! i wish i were satisfied...
But then other feeling swipes through the innocent grey matter...
the satisfafaction leads to the abrupt slowdown of flying dreams...
its this dilemma i have been entrapped into. This seems to be an universal and all omni thing, yet heart always beckons to other facets.
Why do i always fight with myself? Probably the most difficult battle.
Gladiator for a moment, yet for the life.